The day started out relatively good. I had the day off; rugrat went to school. We had plans to go to one of his classmates houses; this was fine. We leave the classmates house; get home just in time to get drenched. We had to get ready for a skating -end of the baseball season- party.
Run upstairs; everyone gets ready; it’s pouring outside. Dad starts talking about where the place is: off I-95; between Griffin and Stirling; a place called boomers. He says Davie; I say no; that’s Dania. Note: *He* got the email on this. I’m like – the only boomers I know of was one in Davie years ago- a bar; and another bar out west. What do I know? Skating never entered the conversation. Off we go downstairs in the torrential downpour. Get in the car. Do we really have to do this? This weather is horrible; we’re gonna get killed. Yes we have to go; kid will get disappointed. Off we go. Discover the defrost doesn’t work. I say we really need to pull over; go home we can’t go on like this. He says I can fuckin see fine! I keep my window down so that he can see. I stayed wet the whole freekin time. Slowly but surely; we get to where we’re going. Watch garbage cans floating in the parking lot. Watch everything else floating in the parking lot too. Sit there for at least 45 minutes. Dad says: someone has to go in. I give him a look that pretty much conveys “It ain’t gonna be me!” Dad strips off shoes and socks and dons umbrelly. Yea right! Opens door. I cackle maniacally at the rising water, and more so; at my man; who *never* removes his shoes and socks for *anything*, gingerly steps out into the flood and traipse into boomers. I give him a couple of minutes and call him on his cell phone. Noone here; saith he. I’m walkin thru the place. I ask him; how dry he is. Only my feet got wet; he states. Half hour passes. Lightening so bad he didn’t want to come back to the car. Can’t say I blame him. Finally he comes back. Sits down. Looks at himself. Says I didn’t think I got wet. {well duh we could wring out his shorts} He discovers there are only parties on weekends. I am happy; I have something other than my hand to wipe windows; I have his socks. We head back home.
In our enthusiam of seeing the kid get a trophy; we bring 3 cameras. A normal camera; a digital camera and a video camera. We are moving at about 2 miles an hour; Dad *thinks* he can see at this point- a little change in attitude; huh dad?
Kid is scared in the back. We lucky my little sports car didn’t drown. Water could have easily seeped in; the car is so low. People stranded everywhere. People in big vehicles think they’re hot shit barrel thru the flooding. I got each and every one’s license plates and I’m gonna hunt them down one by one when this is over. Asschunks. I get the bright idea to bring out the video camera. Start video taping. What did I videotape? Water! Water water water! I saw a bus bench with water halfway up thru it’s sign on the other side of the street. Do you think I could get dad to move his head? Hell No! Now it will be nothing but an urban legend dammit. Pissed and moaned about this for a minute or so. (Hey it got our minds off the weather!) A couple of trucks come barreling thru. Got their license plates and their business signs too. Caught you in aacc-ttion sucker! May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your pubic hair.
Finally; after 2 hours of this harrowing travel [one way]; we get home. We’re alive. Exhausted; but alive. We rush in to check the voicemail; surely someone cancelled this affair. Nope. Only sound on the answering machine is windshield wipers from hell. Swear to god! Dad checks email; noone emailed us. I concur they’re all stuck “out there somewhere” Dad pulls up the original email sent about this thing. What does it say? The party is taking place at a place called Kabooms in Davie. There is a giant skate in the email. We have now decided that, in addition to a maid, we need a secretary/personal assistant to keep our shit together; since obviously we are incapable of doing it ourselves. I am anticipating 2 out of the 3 of us- if no
t all 3 will have pneumonia within days.