We-Be-Glue is running a bit behind on their orders and
they’d like to make up a fresh batch of product.

They’ll gladly come fetch the dead horse if folks will
just stop beating it long enough for them to safely
load the critter.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to his own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. The first thing he said was “DON’T!”

Don’t what, Adam replied. “Don’t eat the forbidden fruit,” God said. “Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit. Hey Eve!!! we have forbidden fruit.” “No way,” Eve said. “Yes, way!” “Do NOT eat the forbidden fruit,” God reiterated. “Why?” Because I am your Father and I said so,” God replied, at the same time wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after
making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break and was he ticked.

“Didn’t I tell you not to eat the forbidden fruit?: God asked. Uh huh, Adam replied. “Then, why did you do it?” God said. “I don’t know,” Eve replied. “She started it!” Adam exclaimed.

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

And, having had it wit the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

But there is reassurance in the story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake. For instance:

* You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen years telling them to sit down and shut up.

* Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

* Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

* Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word-for-word what you haven’t said.

* The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

* We child-proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

* And finally, if you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do exactly what the aspirin bottle instructs: “Take two aspirin.” And, “keep away from children.”

Some time ago, an English Lady was looking for rooms in a little
village called Lortz in Germany. The local schoolmaster took her to
see several delightful homes, and she eventually decided on one. On
her way home however, it occurred to her that she had not noticed a
W.C. She immediately wrote and asked if there was one near the house.
The schoolmaster on receiving the letter, was much troubled, for his
English, being limited, he did not understand the abbreviation W.C.
Finally, he asked the Parish Priest to help him, and together they
tried to think what the Lady must mean by W.C. At last they came to
the conclusion that the Lady meant Wesleyan Church. So the schoolmaster
replied –

Your Ladyship,

I have much pleasure in informing you that the W.C. is situated about
nine miles from the house in the centre of a grove of beautiful
scenery. It is capable of holding 250 people. It opens on Tuesday,
Thursday and Sunday of each week and as there are so many visitors in
the summer months, I would advise you to go early, although there is
plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate position for you if
you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be glad
to know that quite a number take their lunch and make a day of it,
while others who cannot spare the time, travel by car and arrive just
in time. I should especially recommend your Ladyship to pay a visit on
Tuesday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent
and even the most delicate sounds are audible.

It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in our W.C.
and it was there that she first met her husband. I remember the barrage
quite well on the account of the rush for seats. There were ten on the
seat I usually occupy and it was wonderful to watch the expressions on
their faces. My father has been a regular since the day he was
christened in its waters.

A wealthy resident of the district erected a bell which rings every
time a member enters. A bazaar is to be held soon and the proceeds
will go towards helping to furnish plush seats as every member feels
that it is a long felt want. My wife is rather delicate so she cannot
attend regularly, and it pains her very much not to be able to go more
often. I will be delighted to reserve the very best seat for you if
you advise beforehand, so you will be quite comfortable while you are
there.

Yours Faithfully,
Lortz Schoolmaster.